Pete
looked at the bulging heap of paper in his hand; it was thick as the ham
sandwich he had brought to work that day. He looked at Mr. Knowles and asked,
“Do I really have to read all of this?”
“Why,
of course not,” the man said. “It would be burdensome to peruse such an onerous
document, especially since time is so precious.” The man spoke with a distinct
English accent. His speech, however, had an artificial tone to it. It was as if
the man’s words had shellac brushed on them as he elaborated each syllable.
Pete
looked around his cubicle. God, he hated this job. Software support, my ass, he thought to himself. It wasn’t his fault that no one used the damn
software. How was anyone supposed to, either? Bugs larger than cockroaches
filled the computer program and the development team did nothing to fix the
problem. Any of the calls that came in he handled readily enough. They had
become less and less frequent since the majority of their customers were
switching to the competitor’s accounting software. He wanted out. Mr. Knowles,
if that was his real name, had his full attention.
“That
is, after all, Mr. Cayle,” the man spoke with a strange cadence, “the purpose
of our discussion, to come to an agreeable arrangement between us. “
Pete
had only arrived at Mastodon Software minutes ago. Having walked to his cubicle
past the wooly mammoth logo in the entrance, he had noticed a man in a pinstripe,
double-breasted suit carrying an aging, black briefcase. This man had promptly
approached him and invited him to consider an offer “to change his life
forever.”
Pete
hadn’t considered it until now: Mastodon Software had a strict solicitation
policy, no one was allowed in without first speaking to management. Why was he
speaking to him? And where was everybody? The office space seemed empty.
Mr. Edward Knowles (aka Mephistopheles) |
It
had all happened so fast—as he entered, he noticed the man, and soon he was
following him. He spoke fluidly, as if every word were rehearsed, “Allow me to
introduce myself, Mister Peter Cayle,” the man spoke with a bizarre rhythm, “I
am Mr. Edward Knowles. That is pronounced noles
but spelled K-N-O-W-L-E-S. I represent the Apollyon Corporation. Please,
forgive me, since this is your place of employment, might I suggest we enter
this conversation in a more private locale?”
Pete
didn’t say what he thought he should have, which was, “no thank you.” Something
itched inside him, fighting the reasonable response to remove himself from this
remnant of the late 19th century. The curiosity had won: “I…I guess
you could come to my cubicle.”
Mr.
Edward Knowles had begun to spell out a fantastic offer for him: fantastic as
in not believable fantastic. Fantasy
world fantastic. The man’s sing-songy words dripped like golden liquid and
continue to reverberate in his head:
“Mr.
Cayle, as you well know, your employment at this software establishment is
lack-luster. You slave away, daily, not with what is productive and beneficial
to your life, but with the pointless distraction of social-network-games and
internet surveys. To be candid, Mr. Peter Cayle, your life contains neither
hard work nor joyous recreation. It is a glum, piteous, pointless existence, to
which its end can only be disappointment and regret.
“However,
Mr. Cayle, I have an offer for you, that, once you carefully consider, shall
send you into a world devoid of boredom. Every day, Mr. Cayle, you will find
yourself not only entertained, but also driven
by the passion, which still flickers within your soul. If you are interested, I
have prepared a document for your consideration.”
The
whole encounter was weird. What was this
guy selling?
He
hadn’t had time, because Mr. Knowles grabbed the thick stack of papers from
him. The salesman continued, “Yes, yes. Time is, indeed, a precious commodity,
Mr. Cayle. One of which I know you cherish readily. Well, this is your chance,
Pete,” the man winked and poked him with his elbow, “sign at the bottom and
you’ll get what you want.”
It
was too much. Was this guy for real? His curiosity could only go so far. Now
all he wanted was to be rid of him. But he had to ask, “Yeah, so what do I get
if I sign?”
The
man leaned back and stared uncomfortably for three seconds, smiling, and
replied, “Extra time.”
“Extra
time? Like, extra time during the day? As in extra time like
I-don’t-need-to-wait-at-the-stoplight extra time?”
“To
you, yes.” The polished gentleman gave only a hint of a smile and nodded.
“Okay.
Get out of here. I’m calling security,” Pete said, irritated.
“If
you sign, I will be happy to leave,” the man said. He did not waver, but sat
statue-like in the chair next to Pete in the cubicle.
“Fine.
Whatever,” he said. He grabbed the stack of papers and read the cover sheet:
To the Advancement of Time
For:
Mister Peter Jay Cayle
On this day the 28th of April,
2012
Peter
brushed through to the last page, scribbled his name, and threw the cheap
ballpoint pen on his desk. He looked at the man and said, “There. Will you
leave now?”
“Certainly,
Mr. Cayle. I would be happy to oblige,” the man said. He smiled and nodded,
picking up the stack of papers and placing them in his old, black briefcase.
*
* * * * * *
Peter
sat in his living room, the holograph news projecting on the walls surrounding
him. So much time had passed since he met Mr. Knowles. It seemed just like last
week. That is what it was like ever since he discovered the document he signed gave
him a power he previously did not have—the power to advance time when he was
frustrated, sleeping, nervous, angry or simply bored.
He
advanced time a lot. More than he could keep track of. Now he sat here,
wondering: where had it all gone?
That’s
the thing he asked himself, justifying every time advancement he made: why bear through this? This sucks, push it
forward, Pete! Come on, come on, get moving.
He
figured that for every day that went by, every boring meeting he had sat
through, every torturous hour in the cubicle he advanced into nothingness, he
probably had lost half his life. You wouldn’t know that when you saw him,
though. Pete soon learned that he aged as he did it. At least I didn’t have to sit through all of it, he thought. Yeah, yeah…it was worth it.
Definitely.
He
looked outside into the rainy weather and pushed time forward into his death.
5 comments:
Have you seen that movie with Adam Sandler? What's it called?...with the remote control that fast-forwards? This reminded of that movie. I like the ending of yours - how he chooses to die. It seems like the only honest way to end his life.
No, never saw that one. It makes me laugh not that the idea of this isn't anything new, but that you compared it to an Adam Sandler movie!
Given the chance to do this, I think I probably would. I would regret it, too. hmmm
I love it Danny. We are so impatient with how our lives are, and this shows a good perspective that we just end up missing life if we fast forward through it. Nice.
Love it!
There's something about the rhythm and style of your prose that reminds me of Michael Marshall Smith before he moved to crime fiction - when he was writing things like Spare and Only Forward.
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